Sunday, January 9, 2011.
let me inside.
stuff:
i still think about him sometimes. i'm sure my gay friend pulled me into dancing with him so i wouldn't see whatshisface at the dance. and earlier tonight, i saw him while walking to meet up with people, and arghh. get out of my mind already. it's been much too long now, and i'm ready for something new. i've given up on trying to "fix" whatever happened between us, so just get out of my head!!!
"'cause I won't wait around for the grass to grow back now"
* hooray for actually making it to all of my 8am classes last week!! proud of myself for getting up by 715am by myself when ideally, i'd get to sleep until 1pm. (]=
*nothooray for the ridiculous amount of work to be done for organic chemistry, evolutionary biology, physics, physics lab, and the soild/fluid earth. X=
* yesterday was my first time drinking in the year 2011. and i got a stupid migraine while i was drunk, which was weird.
* my first kiss of 2011....yea, i didn't even make a point to remember his name. X= but i got the hell away from him at the dance.
* the guys weirdly didn't hold their alchy yesterday. one guy started acting like a 3 year old, another puked all over his room, and one had to be taken to the hospital on a stretcher. /=
* ray is such an awesome friend for taking away my phone and my id so i wouldn't lose them. he sucks for not telling me about him getting back together with his ex, but that was partly my fault, too.
* i shouldn't watch grey's anatomy in bed right before sleeping again. i love that show, but it's so sad. /=
"'cause I won't wait around for the grass to grow back now"
Thursday, December 30, 2010.
white christmas.
my cousin, an exchange student from hong kong at ohio state university for the fall 2010 quarter, visited us for a week and left yesterday. it was fun. i hadn't seen her since summer 2009, so it was great to see her. she brought a friend along, so it was nice to have stuff to do and people around the house. (=
but then....i also saw how screwed up everything is with my family. /= i realized how much i wish my parents liked each other more, or at least showed it. everyone's getting older, and with my dad's health deteriorating...well, i just want everything to be ok.
on sunday, i'm driving back to san diego. winter break is over.three weeks, gone. so freaking fast.
but then, there's 26 hours until the year 2010 is over. such a bittersweet year that started with so much sadness. and i've only just started getting myself back together. but now it's all ending so soon. and i'm glad, i guess. the coming of 2011 will help pave the way for lots of good things to come, i'm sure.
a mini recap of 2010 as i remember it without reading my journal or past entries: running away on new year's day,the incidence of january 15th, chad, summer school, living with jasmine &jada, green mickey mouses, mini relapses, moving into an on-campus apartment with the awesomest apartmentmates//roomies ever, halloween, flying home to see my grandparents and uncle, spending $150 black friday shopping, sf adventures, wearing reindeer antlers around everywhere, mono lake, snow!!!, tahoe, and whatever will happen in the next 26 hours.
instead of making a list of resolutions that i know i want to go through with but cannot, i will make a list of three things i will change in 2011 and focus on one thing at a time.
muchlove. <3
but then....i also saw how screwed up everything is with my family. /= i realized how much i wish my parents liked each other more, or at least showed it. everyone's getting older, and with my dad's health deteriorating...well, i just want everything to be ok.
on sunday, i'm driving back to san diego. winter break is over.
but then, there's 26 hours until the year 2010 is over. such a bittersweet year that started with so much sadness. and i've only just started getting myself back together. but now it's all ending so soon. and i'm glad, i guess. the coming of 2011 will help pave the way for lots of good things to come, i'm sure.
a mini recap of 2010 as i remember it without reading my journal or past entries: running away on new year's day,
instead of making a list of resolutions that i know i want to go through with but cannot, i will make a list of three things i will change in 2011 and focus on one thing at a time.
muchlove. <3
Tuesday, December 7, 2010.
death week!!
finals week, but i'm already three exams down, one more to go on friday!!! that meant monday sucked [[back to back finals from 1130am-6pm and then review session from 6pm-8pm.]] but whatever, byebye, solar system, last general chemistry class [[hopefully, if i pass!]], and last calculus class!!!
random stuff i need to get out:
random stuff i need to get out:
* i have no idea what i'm doing.
* i'm officially a "patient" of the counseling and psychological services. that feels weird to say//think about. but i'm finally seeking help. for me.
* i really should have started studying earlier//more productively for calculus. the two problems i didn't get at all were the same ones i missed on the previous midterms. X=
* i'm back to those days where you want to see a certain someone sign onto aim every time you hear that door opening sound. hahah. it's been years, &it's funny because i don't really know this person at all. but i do enjoy "talking" to him. (=
* DRIVING BACK HOME ON SATURDAY! not looking forward to an 8-9 hour drive, but still! WINTER BREAK!!!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010.
fall back.
stuff that i don't like:
stuff that made me happier:
yesterday, i went shopping at utc with tiffany &shira. got a red velvet dress from forever21. yes. seriously. it's going to be my new holiday dress, even though i really didn't think i'd like it. $12 well spent in my opinion. the guy who lived in the suite across from me last year was working the cash register; the guy with the "let it be" tattoo. for the record, his name is stefan.
i've been failing at beingcontinuously happy lately, but i'm trying. halloween weekend definitely sent me reeling off the track of awesomeness, but whatevs. so much different than halloween in santa cruz last year, huh? i'm hoping that having thursday off for verteran's day &then going home friday night will get me back on track. <3
* getting lost trying to find office hours &the cliffs.
* how i broke my mini tripod &lost the screw at the cliffs....
* almost having to hop a fence wearing flats.
* how the sun set before 5pm because of daylight savings.
* foundation for international medical relief of children at ucsd being a disappointment. X=
* walking around in the dark while freezing to death.
* my contact getting so dry that i blink it out of my eye.
* chem quiz tomorrow, &i haven't started studying.
stuff that made me happier:
* professor burgasser's two huge doggies; australian sherphard and a husky mix.
* prof b making me feel a little more confident over my independent project.
* taking a really awesome picture of the moon in its waxing crescent phase.
* BEN &JERRY'S! even though i've decided pistachio pistachio is not that yummy.
* lisa and shira making stir fry that hit the spot.
* mommy actually sending me a coherent text thanking me for her birthday card, complete with "can't wait 2 c u, 2" etc. (;
yesterday, i went shopping at utc with tiffany &shira. got a red velvet dress from forever21. yes. seriously. it's going to be my new holiday dress, even though i really didn't think i'd like it. $12 well spent in my opinion. the guy who lived in the suite across from me last year was working the cash register; the guy with the "let it be" tattoo. for the record, his name is stefan.
i've been failing at being
Saturday, November 6, 2010.
the pale blue dot.
happy carl sagan day! for those who have never heard of him, please google "pale blue dot" along with his name or something. his little speech is incredible...really puts things into perspective for me. it was based off an image taken from the outskirts of our solar system by voyager 1 based on a suggestion made by carl sagan himself.
this is an image of earth caught in the middle of a sunbeam. as carl sagan said, "from this distant vantage point, the earth might not seem of particular interest. but for us, it's different. look again at that dot. that's here, that's home, that's us. on it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives..." the speech goes on but i feel like it's best said in his voice.
with that said,yesterday sucked. got very little sleep the night before. i broke my favorite sunglasses with the giraffe print [[the ones that someone once complimented me on by saying "those glasses fit your face well". awkward compliments are still compliments. o_O]]. didn't finish my physics tutorial. i blanked out on how to do cross products of vectors during the calculus quiz, but remembered right after i gave up and walked out of class. i was just stressed out...
but the night got better when two of the guys who lived downstairs climbed up onto our balcony and just walked into our apartment. don't know why i never met them before; they're quite nice and sing well. haha.
well, i will now finish off with a list of things i should be doing:
this is an image of earth caught in the middle of a sunbeam. as carl sagan said, "from this distant vantage point, the earth might not seem of particular interest. but for us, it's different. look again at that dot. that's here, that's home, that's us. on it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives..." the speech goes on but i feel like it's best said in his voice.
with that said,
but the night got better when two of the guys who lived downstairs climbed up onto our balcony and just walked into our apartment. don't know why i never met them before; they're quite nice and sing well. haha.
well, i will now finish off with a list of things i should be doing:
* CONCENTRATE!!!!!!!!
* stop procrastinating!!!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010.
time, truth, &hearts.
stuff i did as of three hours ago:
stuff i still have to do tonight:
but i did realize that i actually like math...again. i liked it back at kumon when i understood everything, but that was years ago! and now, i likey math when i'm doing pretty well and understanding everything. [[i got 9/10 on my quiz last week even though i was sure i'd only get 5/10!]]
* two of three chapters of math homework on the quiz tomorrow.
* listen to "all these things things that i've done" by the killers on repeat for a bit.
=> it's how i figured out that line in the title!! why did i never pay attention to it before?
* talk to flo about her creeper[[s]].
* eat a whole thing of rolos.
* eat half of a milky way bar.
* fill out my global environmental brigades [[GEB]] application.
* find nothing particularly awesome on forever21.com.
* have lisa kill a bug that flew onto my desk.
* meet shira's mister friend.
* three-way call with flo to wish mommy a happy birthday!
stuff i still have to do tonight:
* physics online tutorial.even though it's now 3am. .___.
* research for physics project &write up.
* one more chapter of math homework.
* shower.
*sleeepybye!!!!!
but i did realize that i actually like math...again. i liked it back at kumon when i understood everything, but that was years ago! and now, i likey math when i'm doing pretty well and understanding everything. [[i got 9/10 on my quiz last week even though i was sure i'd only get 5/10!]]
Thursday, November 4, 2010.
have faith in me.
the lesson of today is simple:
because if you don't, how will you expect others to trust you?
plus, second-guessing yourself is a surefire way to kill your entire day. or two days. or three. ><" i need to stop doubting myself in "crucial" moments, to stop making up scenarios of how i could have screwed up when i should have been telling myself all along that everything is going to be okay in the end.
because if everything's not okay, then it's certainly not the end. remember? (;
trust yourself. believe in yourself. have faith in yourself.=>
plus, second-guessing yourself is a surefire way to kill your entire day. or two days. or three. ><" i need to stop doubting myself in "crucial" moments, to stop making up scenarios of how i could have screwed up when i should have been telling myself all along that everything is going to be okay in the end.
because if everything's not okay, then it's certainly not the end. remember? (;
Labels: life lessons
